Body vs Mind
September 13, 2012 | By: Cristiane Cardoso | Posted in: Rahab
We continue talking about “forgiveness.” For many this may be easy, normal, a Christian duty. For others, this may be something controversial – and for those that carry the pain of abuse within their soul, this may be a great challenge.
I tried to help you the best way I could – not by placing myself adjacent to your situation and talking about forgiveness as though it was something that I learned while sitting on a church bench; but as an example of someone who went through the same pain and came to an understanding that hatred hurts even more.
It was during that process which I discovered yet another truth that I’m going to share with you now: they are harsh words to hear or read, they are rude, and they are going to jab at your wound. You will bleed again; but, through forgiveness, your scars will heal once and for all. No matter who it was that abused or beat you, that person used your body, but don’t allow that person to use your mind. Once you train your thoughts, your emotions, and allow your life to revolve around what that person did, you are giving that person the liberty to use and manipulate your mind; as long as the world turns, your life will revolve around what happened and you will be giving the aggressor the power to condition your behavior: to take away your sleep and make you want to die.
Does that person deserve so much attention? Does he deserve to have your life revolve around him? Is it possible that the dirty words or humiliating words that he spat at you are, indeed, true?
I know, your answer is NO – and it comes biting back with an angry tone – but the truth is that you have given him the power to do all of that.
There is a war that has been waged between your flesh and your mind. Paul warned us about this battle in Romans 7:23. Your reason says “forgive,” but your flesh answers “resist.” Paul reveals that the result is “making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me,” which reflects your current state.
Free yourself from this self-made slavery. Forgive!
Cristiane Cardoso
Author of the books "Better than a new pair of shoes", "V woman" and "Casamento Blindado" (Bulletproof Marriage). Founder of "Godllywood" and "Rahab Project". Presenter of "The Love School" at Rede Record.
Hi Cris, I had an aunt that i never spoke with for years, I never hated her but I could not deal with her character, the words she spoke and all the negativity in her family – i stayed away. But because of my task for September, I contacted her. What a feeling – it was such joy to hear from her, there was no animosity, no quarrel, nothing. We will be meeting sometime soon – all the family to discuss things. i feel I have done my part to please my God, because family is very important. To God be the glory. Dorothy
This is something that I have been thinking about recently and for some time I believed that I had got over the hurt that I felt towards a person that hurt me. Every time I am near that person my blood begins to boil and at times she may be nice but I always think that she is being fake, but regardless of whether she is or not I know that I need to roll up my sleeves, overcome my flesh and get rid of all of the thoughts and feelings I’ve had towards her once-and-for-all.
Thank you for this Mrs Cris
I had a lot of unforgiveness within my heart from abuse, let downs, disaapointments etc. However the worst scenario of unforgiveness is me not forgiving myself until recently. I learned that I had to let go and leave the past in the past. Not doing so would only continue to destroy my life and my well being. Im thankful that I have grown. Reading this article has caused me to reflect on a deeper level.
Thank you Ms. Cris
Dear Mrs. Cris
I agree with you. when we forgive ourselves or others we are not doing favor for the person we forgive, we always do it for ourselves., we benefit from that forgiveness, because we become free, we have peace and even love for ourselves and to those who have offended us.
Kisses
Toninha
i was abused many times & beaten up.i didn’t want to live any more i felt dirty,worthless,insecure,i was afraid to speak because i khew no one would believe me.indeed they didn’t my mother realized what was going on one time but didn’t put much attencion she thought that it was happening because i wanted it to happen but it wasn’t like that, i felt so angry i wanted to take it out on everybody that would be in my way or would try to challenge me.i went from being a straight A student to getting out of high school and working just to drink and get high until i would lose reason of what was going on around me.i didn’t care anymore if i was alive or dead,if i would even be there the next day,life for me was over.i would always say i will put a bullet trough my head rather than forgive the person or even my mother,i tried suiciding many times but i don’t khow why or how but i’m still here happy i have forgiven the person and my mom i can truly say i want to live and make the difference to show that there is an alive God who is waiting with his arms wide open for us to make a decision to let them take lead of our lives.
Dear Josenid
I had goosebumps while reading your testimony. You have been through so much, in fact, you’ve been through what many would call hell! Nonetheless you’ve come out stronger in mind and faith. It’s so true that all things happen for a reason. The abuse you went through and the neglect you suffered is not a rare case among women. But what is rare is for a woman to find herself again, to find life and even God after all that pain. You went through all that so that your testimony would help many others out there realise that forgiveness is actually self-liberation.
Your humbling testimony goes to show how all things are possible. Even the hardest of them all, forgiving our offenders, is possible. Thank you Mrs Cristiane for this post and Josenid, thank you for sharing such a personal part of your life with us. May God use you to help others who are going through what you went through!
Kisses
I fins it amazing how last night before going to bed i read this and thought about it. And once again I see it. I at times think about my past which i know i shouldn’t but i can’t help it. i rebuke right away and say i forgive myself but then i think do i really forgive myself or am i just saying it? This is something we all have to meditate it because many times its not about forgiving others but ourselves…
I agree with Madeline, at the end of the day it all comes back to us have we forgiven ourselves, if yes then why do we keep on thinking about our past and thinking we are not worthy of the grace and love of God. we have been made new in Jesus Christ Name . let it all go let us not allow our past to have an effect on the presant and future.
It might be hard to forgive because most of the people use their emotions, and make themselves slaves because if you have hatred you suffer more than those you hate, so for someone to expell that pain in their first they have to forgive.
This was very helpful. It took me long time to forgive and before you say it is wasn’t another person it was myself. Many time I would put my self down and found it very hard to forgive myself for my past mistakes and sins. But one day after reading a blog similar to this one I finally let go of the grudge I had for myself. To be honest it was not hurting anyone apart from myself. It really did help me and I was able to move on. Thanks for the blog I believe it will help many as it has me.
Its hard to forgive but how can God forgive ur sin if u can not forgive others. When we have hate in our heart is like a deadly virus that’s consumes u little by little. It kills u slowly, and it brings to ur life more problems along. Follow what the word of God says and u will be delivered from all ur hate or any other bad feelings.
Thank Miss Cris it is a strong message but is to make us see what sometimes we can’t see by our self.
Mrs. Cris i read one day that not forgiving a person who hurt you is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die(or be affected)
Holding unforgiveness kills your soul slowly day by day.I have seen this especially with to female family members who were in physically,emotionally and verbally abusive relationships.
First they found it hard to break that bond with the person,to leave the relationship and start over.When they eventually left the relationship,they found it difficult to move on with their lives,they had so much bitterness and anger in their heart to the person and just could forgive.The harsh reality is that the abuser had moved on,but they were still living in an unforgiving past.How sad for a person to be in this state,you are stuck and can’t really have peace.
Your message is a wake up call as harsh as it may sound it is the truth.
Good day Cristiane,
Thank you for such couraging words. Could you put me in your prayers so that i can be able to forgive my childrens’ dad and his family for causing me pain and destruction for 6 years of my life. I always pray to overcome the spirit of gradges but it haunts me back and I start hating them again and sometimes I lose interest to go to the church as they have hurt me very badly.
This so true Mrs. Cris. I had to learn this but God was the one who enabled me to forgive, but while I was still holding on to this pain I had within me, I was stuck, I felt like nothing moved for me, Until I decided to let go and this is when my life started to move until today. Thanks for sharing.
Hi Mrs Cris
Thank you for sharing, according to what you have been experienced about ‘Forgiveness’. I’d just like to share that yes were not perfect we hurt many for sure and many gave a lot of pain within our soul terribly also! I agree that once we keep a bad thought toward the person we are giving them a liberty to manipulate our mind! and most that would be at risk is our ‘SALVATION’. God forgive us already and in everything and how much more we have to forgive someone who hurt us as well! Yes it was been something controversial to me, as my mind and flesh is contradicting to one another! But i chose to follow God’s voice in my mind! God is love and he thought us to ‘love our enemies’ it was so hard and that is the truth but only those who Fear the Lord has strength to forgive inspite of pain out of their soul!
~~CANDY UCKG PHILIPPINES
I l ike you blog very educating
Thanks so much Mrs Cardoso when we forgive we keep the power within us but if we dont we lose even the Holy Spirit thanks