Growing up in the church
I always felt sad when we moved from place to place, but can you blame me after changing schools every year? But one day it was too much! My mother always tried to cheer us up with every move. She would give us the first letter of the place we were going to so we could guess where. But when she did it this particular time, I couldn’t take it. I went out of the room to cry. We had just arrived where we were, and I had quickly gotten used to it already. I had made friends, and felt like I had come home.
I complained with God that day. What kind of life is this? – I thought inside myself. I even wanted to know God, but this wouldn’t work. When I finally got used to a place, we would soon leave to go to another place. The moves made me insecure, shy and tense. Just thinking about having to face everything all over again, in a new place, simply terrified me. My parents would tell be to be nice to others… But I simply couldn’t. I didn’t know the people around me, and I seriously felt it was a waste of time because pretty soon we would move and I wouldn’t see them again.
When I got to a new school (which happened more than 20 times – literally,) I was already prepared. No way would I tell them I was from The UCKG! I had no hope of making friends, but I tried my best to not make enemies. Which is basically an impossible task being a Bishop’s daughter in The Universal Church, in Brazil. When someone asked me about my religion, I told them I was Christian; but I didn’t mention what church I attended.
I remember, one day when we were doing an assignment in Geography class, my group insisted on knowing what church I attended… I was so embarrassed that I lied and said the Baptist church. I did it as self-defense from criticism. I had no choice – at least that’s what I told myself. But deep inside I felt the pain from how weak I was being. My God, how can I not assume the church I go to?
I felt lost in school, I felt lost in church, and I had no clue of who I truly was. I was one thing at school, then another in church; but inside I felt the pain of being neither of the world nor of God.
Author of the books "Better than a new pair of shoes", "V woman" and "Casamento Blindado" (Bulletproof Marriage). Founder of "Godllywood" and "Rahab Project". Presenter of "The Love School" at Rede Record.