The anxiety of a pastor’s fiancée
August 20, 2012 | By: Cristiane Cardoso | Posted in: Dating, Marriage
Girls, one thing I learned after my marriage was this: I wasn’t blessed because God felt pity towards me.
When we are getting to know someone or engaged to an assistant pastor, we tend to “dive” into super spiritual purposes, like fasts for hours on end, accelerated readings of the Bible and sacrifices in campaigns- be it selling everything, cleaning homes or donations. We live that moment with a very humble mindset, and even though there are no demands, we place ourselves in the position of NOTHING, for the only thing we want is to the Work and go to the end of the World with out future love.
But, reflect: could it be that “all” of that isn’t moved by a heart full of anxiety, moved by an only desire to get married?
I remember when my at the time boyfriend came to tell me that he wanted a serious commitment with me. It was an unusual day. He was going to travel to another country that same day. I remember that it was like a movie scene: he asked me to wait for him and I said yes!!! (I wanted to get married that very moment.)
After his trip, I remember that I spent a month walking on clouds, dreaming and planning our future. When the phone rang and it was him, I thought that he was on his way to get me. But, thanks be to God, through the meetings for pastor’s fiancées, I began to understand that I was focused on just one thing: on the marriage, in the union between man and woman, in all of the love that I was going to receive and all of the good that comes along with marriage.
I was forgetting that I was going to marry a man that has his life totally on the Altar and that I must also have the same calling as he.
I began to analyze my “purposes,” cited above, and concentrate on myself. I worked on removing any sort of anxiety and everything that wasn’t God’s will. In fact, I even asked Him that if my relationship wasn’t of His liking, that He show me that too.
When you start acting this way, allowing your intelligent faith to guide you, with spirit and sincerity, you start to understand God’s Work, to let your life be guided by Him, to be molded, to be ready for the Work’s needs and love the place where you are- without worrying about the conditions of the place. You begin to make the difference at that moment.
Daniela Reis, pastor’s wife
Mauritius Island
Cristiane Cardoso
Author of the books "Better than a new pair of shoes", "V woman" and "Casamento Blindado" (Bulletproof Marriage). Founder of "Godllywood" and "Rahab Project". Presenter of "The Love School" at Rede Record.
You wouldn’t think this is how it is for women who are about to become pastor’s wives, but we are all human and we all do allow anxiety or emotions to get the best of us at times.
We just have to step back, set ourselves straight and use our intelligence to right the wrongs instead of living on cloud nine.
It’s very easy to just think about love love love and the physical instead of the spiritual when about to enter a relationship.
Thanks for sharing this on your blog Mrs Cristiane. I have definitely reflected on myself now and will be amending anxiety in my own heart towards my future partner.
Thank you for this message Mrs Daniela,that’s will help me in the future…
Thanks again..
from Sheena( Mauritius Island )
Thank you for this message Mrs Daniela…thats will help me in the future… thanks again
Sheena from Mauritius Island
Wooow,you have just opened my eyes now.I thank God that He guided you to post this,i won’t only keep it to myself but i will surely share it with my other sisters who also have the desire to serve God on the altar.
Thank you for this message. This is so true that we should use our intelligent faith. God bless you..
There must be many sacrifices for a fiance, dating not as much , speaking not as much, long distance relationship. But amidst all of this they have to be patient at the end of the day if someone is for you he is for you, no matter if he has to be on the other side of the world, or if other ladies have an interest in him.
There will just have to be 100% trust in God, and I think that the person should not put her life on hold but do all the things that she wanted to do eg. travel, spend more time with their family etc.
Thank you for sharing this Mrs Daniela this is helpful even to those who are not dating an assistant pastor, it is good to assess ourselves and whether we are really moving with intelligence or with our heart so that we may in the end do the will of God and not the will of our heart.
What I understood for myself is that marriage isn’t all about your husband showing you love, giving to gifts, going out all the time. But it’s deeper than that. Marriage is about sacrificing., sacrificing your will for your partners, coming to agreements, knowing that it’s not all about you, being understanding. It’s not what the TV’s show marriage as, all happy happy. But marriage is very spiritual, you need to allow God to guide you even before getting married.
Good morning Christiane,
this is a bit confusing isn’t it because the actual marriage is something to look forward to, as well as that actual person. The most monumental thing is the ending of the loneliness, to someone else it could be something entirely different.
I think if you are sure God is happy with the right partener you have many things to look forward to, but it’s like crossing the road too i am sure, look first before you cross!
You and Bishop had challenges but you came right and it is also determination as well as God’s blessings, you were both of the same spirit when it came to important things like determination to make it work.
You both chose Well! I hope i do this well!
God bless, Christiane,
big love Helenx
Thanks Mrs Daniella
Sincerity and patience are required when one is about to marry a man on the altar…it’s not about that fancy look, the joy of being in charge and making meetings, but it is all about a true surrender of one’s life on the altar…and unconditional love of the Work of God
I once learnt when you are on the altar you are there for life and to make a difference. You have chosen to put your hand in the plow and if you look back you won’t be fit for the Kingdom of God anymore. Many young girls desire to do the work of God on the altar because they see a pastor they like or they think its Gods calling for them just because their friends are doing it but what they don’t realize is when you enter for the wrong reasons you are putting yourself at risk of looking back. Do they really want to become unfit to enter Gods Kingdom?
amen… thank you for sharing your experience with us..
Very interesting Dna. Daniela, and good to know….i love that you shared your story and experience with us. It is a great example in case we find ourselves in that very ppsition someday and thanks to your testimony we’ll be able to do things with intellegence!***and i completely agree with you, using our intellegent faith above anything is definitely the way to go, using our heart is just a lead to disaster!* again thank you for shaing your story…xoxo
Very interesting Dna. Daniela, and good to know….i love that you shared your story and experience with us. It is a great example in case we find ourselves in that very ppsition someday and thanks to your testimony we’ll be able to do things with intellegence!***and i completely agree with you, using our intellegent faith above anything is definitely the way to go, using our heart is just a lead to disaster!*
There more toit than just marraige even thugh i am not married i know that us women love to just think abut here and now and not the furture. for example helping them achieving there dreams, like said above focusing on the calling on the altar. very nice