Pass the Hot Potato
If you are going through a situation that you don’t know how to solve, what do you do? Do you pass the hot potato to another person, or do you look for an expiatory lamb to justify the problem. Does this ring any bells or not? But this is how society and even us, human beings, act. Any form of abuse is a controversial topic that takes on huge dimensions. As much as there is an effort to solve, prevent, spread awareness, the results are minimal. So what should be done? Give names to the expiatory lamb! How many times do you hear comments or questions of this type: “What were you doing in that place at that time?” “Of course, just look at the clothes you wear!” “Ah, surely you let him on.” “Why did you have to talk back to your husband when he was drunk.” “Of course, you’re always talking to strangers on the street.”
And that’s where you, who suffered an abuse, automatically stay quiet because you fear hearing the same thing over again; you prefer to hear your own voice, that comes charged with fear, melancholy, shame, pain and blame. Way inside that voice says: I must have made a mistake somewhere for this to have happened to me. It’s best to carry this blame silently- I’ve already lost my self-worth – then having to listen to others accusing me.
Taking the blame is nothing more than a defense mechanism: if I accuse myself, whenever someone else accuses me it won’t hurt as much. Nonetheless, my friend, answer me sincerely: what fault does a child have if they were abused inside of their own home by someone that, until that point, had been said to be part of the family? If you can’t blame that child, then why have you been blaming yourself? The problem in question is not the person but the abuse. It takes courage to take the blame for something that you didn’t do, but next week I’m going to shed the light on an act that requires even greater courage: taking the facts for what they are.
I’ll meet you here.
Author of the books "Better than a new pair of shoes", "V woman" and "Casamento Blindado" (Bulletproof Marriage). Founder of "Godllywood" and "Rahab Project". Presenter of "The Love School" at Rede Record.