The Mirror – My Friend
People react in different ways, right? I closed myself and dedicated myself entirely to my studies. But today I want to talk to you about a friend- another Rahab- that tried to hide her pain in a different way. My enemy, the mirror, was her best friend.
Instead of not taking care of her physical appearance, she invested all that she could in her beauty. She didn’t simply want to be beautiful, she had to be attractive. I wanted to just another face in the crowd, she wanted to be noticed, desired, lusted after. In order to do that she changed the way she dressed, behaved, she began to wear heavy makeup. When she spoke she transmitted pride and confidence. She charmed everyone, especially men, who competed for her attention.
Whoever looked at her would never venture to think that she was the fruit of violence and sexual abuse- she was very confident; but those that knew her, like me, without the physical and emotional makeup, understood that that was her way of dealing with the pain.
I sought a value to hang onto through my pursuit to gain greater knowledge; she looked for it in the power to dominate men and choose who she would have a relationship with, even if that meant breaking their hearts but never hers. She learned to use men, so that she would never be used; for many years of her life she rejected the word “love”. While she used those that were driven crazy by her appearance, inside she felt as if through each relationship she was getting back at the one who abused her.
But in spite of everything that she did, all of the relationships that she went through, all of the beds that she slept in, she could not manage to overcome what was inside of her. Now she was using and abusing others but when the moment came for her to recline her head on her pillow, the blame she felt for having been abused would creep up on her again.
Who knows if perhaps you are also like this Rahab? Do you defend yourself by making others suffer? Do you believe that the abuse has stolen your dignity and that there are no reasons for you to persevere, value yourself, love your body to the point of protecting it? This Rahab also found a way out.
The change started on the day that she understood that she didn’t need to use anyone to show how strong she was. Her strength was inside of her.And that’s exactly what we’ll talk about next week.
I’ll wait for you!
Author of the books "Better than a new pair of shoes", "V woman" and "Casamento Blindado" (Bulletproof Marriage). Founder of "Godllywood" and "Rahab Project". Presenter of "The Love School" at Rede Record.