The Mirror- the enemy
So then, did you manage to see your beauty? That was a very difficult exercise for me, for I didn’t believe that I was beautiful and that made me indifferent when it came to getting dressed. I used to wear very basic clothes, neutral colors. For me, there was no clothes that could help me. Besides, why should I fix myself up?, To call people’s attention to my appearance? I admired elegant women, vibrant colors, but that wasn’t for me. I had to find value in other ways. That’s when I devoted myself entirely to my studies.
I was number one in class. No one could imagine what I was going through, for I camouflaged it by doing more, doing my best. The mirror was my enemy, as it has been for you; but I saught perfection in what I did, that consoled me. I had a need to excell in everything, prove that I could, that there was nothing difficult that I could not learn or do. In spite of the compliments and the medals, I still felt unuseful. I would close myself and expect very little of people so as not to be disappointed; I believed that if I deserved a good day, that would be more than enough.
I had to overcome myself in everything in order to feel like I was someone in front of my classmates. If I was competent, I would spark other’s interest in me and at least they would respect me. Meanwhile, at home, pain and fear of saying something and disappointing my family consumed me. I was the daughter to a single mother and I believed that I lived there out of their mercy. I had to keep up an appearance, I had to drown my pain.
Author of the books "Better than a new pair of shoes", "V woman" and "Casamento Blindado" (Bulletproof Marriage). Founder of "Godllywood" and "Rahab Project". Presenter of "The Love School" at Rede Record.