The Mirror- the enemy
July 9, 2012 | By: Cristiane Cardoso | Posted in: Rahab
So then, did you manage to see your beauty? That was a very difficult exercise for me, for I didn’t believe that I was beautiful and that made me indifferent when it came to getting dressed. I used to wear very basic clothes, neutral colors. For me, there was no clothes that could help me. Besides, why should I fix myself up?, To call people’s attention to my appearance? I admired elegant women, vibrant colors, but that wasn’t for me. I had to find value in other ways. That’s when I devoted myself entirely to my studies.
I was number one in class. No one could imagine what I was going through, for I camouflaged it by doing more, doing my best. The mirror was my enemy, as it has been for you; but I saught perfection in what I did, that consoled me. I had a need to excell in everything, prove that I could, that there was nothing difficult that I could not learn or do. In spite of the compliments and the medals, I still felt unuseful. I would close myself and expect very little of people so as not to be disappointed; I believed that if I deserved a good day, that would be more than enough.
I had to overcome myself in everything in order to feel like I was someone in front of my classmates. If I was competent, I would spark other’s interest in me and at least they would respect me. Meanwhile, at home, pain and fear of saying something and disappointing my family consumed me. I was the daughter to a single mother and I believed that I lived there out of their mercy. I had to keep up an appearance, I had to drown my pain.
With love,
Rahab
Cristiane Cardoso
Author of the books "Better than a new pair of shoes", "V woman" and "Casamento Blindado" (Bulletproof Marriage). Founder of "Godllywood" and "Rahab Project". Presenter of "The Love School" at Rede Record.
this reminds me of myself, i used to think i was ugly, skinny, i used to point out my imperfections, i hated the way i looked. I used to look at others and see how beautiful they looked and look at myself and think how insignificant i was.
But know i see that i am beautiful just the way i am
God made me this way for a reason, i learnt to love myself.
The Mirror can only make us think we are ugly, say bad things if we allow it too, we see what we want to see, the good or the bad.
Thanks Mrs Cris
Wow, I like this comment Jo-Anne very well said, “we see what we want to see, the good or the bad”
Dear Mrs Cris
I also went through that whilst growing up because I was very fat so I constantly believed that I was ugly and unattractive. But everything changed when I grew older as I started controlling my diet, now I am happy with my weight and having found the truth in the Lord Jesus in that what is important is actually the inner beauty, NO MIRROR can ever decieve me.
Thank you
JHB-Park Station
Dudu M
Dear Mrs Christiane,
Thank you for sharing. When I was young, I was very shy even in regard to the clothes that I was wearing. I was OK with comfortable clothes, clothes that hid everything. I remember one day my mum got me a pair of shorts and nice trainers. The shorts were decent, not the kind that looks like underwear. It was a very hot day and I was extremely uncomfortable wearing the shorts. On top of everything else I did not like my legs. It felt like the whole world was looking at me in disapproval. The same happened when I had to dress up for a special occasion. It woudl be a nice dress which I was looking forward to go home and change to my comfortable jeans. Later on I learnt to like dresses. I still like them.
There was a very low point in my life and the clothes reflected that. I was wearing jeans and trainers every day. Even on Sunday I would wear jeans. Not even the bishop’s message that this is Sunday and we should make an effort could help. When things got better, I had a desire to wear dresses again.
Thanks Mrs Rahab
This indeed happens to most of us women. We feel so ugly at times and we do things that will keep people looking away from our faces. This never helps because the pain and shame inside of us does not vanish but it stays there until we get to deal with the problem directly…..
Many young ladies out there just like Rahab have a low self esteem, which the society contributes towards it many times. Many young ladies today look up to super models and want to do everything they do. These young ladies put their lives at risk by not eating the proper way, dress like them which is not good. I use to not care for myself and just like Rahab thought who do I have to impress so I would not dress up. I learned by been in the V-woman group, God loves us and wants us to dress up and take care of ourselves. Now when I get ready I say am dressing up for God and no one else. The Mirror is a good exercise because it reflects who you really are and you can make changes to better yourself.
Thank you Mrs. Cris.
Hi Mrs.Cris,
Thank you for sharing this post to us.
Indeed, MIrror is the enemy,because the mirror can say good things and bad things about us, we should not defend on this mirror.
God is our mirror..
Thank you Rahab.
Hi Mrs.Cris,
Thank you for this post,
Indeed, Mirror is our enemy,mirror can say good things and bad things about us,we should not defend on this mirror..
God is our mirror..
Good day Mrs Chrissie
This reminds me so much of my journey. Before being part of the sisterhood for me has done so much. i used to tell myself that i do not want to be known by anyone, i am comfortable being that gal, i used to tell myself that being known means that people will expect a lot from you. i had been in the church for more than 5 yrs but only friends knew me, my pastor did not even know i had existed, i had nothing to hide but i feared rejection. I was afraid thinking if people knew me they wouldnt like me and reject me. I thank God for sisterhood, not only did i grow in character, but in my appearance and with my relationship with God. I learnt that i have so much to offer people so I should look the part of a PRINCESS OF GOD. I now stare in the mirror and see what is inside of me, THE LORD JESUS
you for sharing. I felt like that after the separation with my husband. I felt like i was not worthy anymore, i was not good enough for anyone since i was not for him. I would do other things to occupy my time, like going out to eat with friends. until i gain so much weight that i did not like looking at myself in the mirror, nor even take pictures. I also was workinThank g seven days a week. I use to hide myself in those uniforms that i use to wear, because i did not like to see myself in dress up clothes, and i love fashion. Yet still i was afraid of wearing them because i was ashamed and disappointed with the way i looked. Now thank God i have overcame that hurdle, i have move forward and looking for greater things.
Dear Mrs Rehab,
I second you on that, a Mirror can be the enemy itself created by one’s self conscience. Living in a society where the social factor creates a certain image for people and people need to feel integrated within it to fit, then they draw up this image to outside to feel confident and their inner self is as bad as it can get! Thank you for sharing this with us, this is very personal but more so it reflects on how we are on a day to day life. We tend to live pleasing the outside and hide what’s going in the inside and this just drains our faith away. Thank you again for sharing this.
Very strong, i know many people would think just like Rahab above, i for one i used to think the same to myself, I will limit myself to dressing because I did not want to be noticed as i thought I was not pretty enough, limited me self in so many ways hence many opportunities pass me by, i must confess that i am still over coming some of those fear though i am confident now knowing that everything i do is to please my God not anyone this is my driving force!
Thank you for sharing!
Dear Ms. Cris
Mirror, the enemy indeed. Growing up in the society where most people had more pigmentation on their skin than you, was not an easy ride. you would be called names. To name but a few, tomato, cheese etc by your peers at school and on the playground. As if that is not enough, the teacher will add salt to the wound. Having to look in the mirror would brings all those labels that were put on you. Then, there is a media issue, where they determine the standard of beauty. Where thin is beautiful and Women of a fuller figure feels ugly and sidelined. Having to dress in certain clothes will be warddrope disaster. But praise God with the renewing of the mind all is change. Learn to embrace ourselves as beautiful creation of God
Thank you.
Hi Rahab
people are cold sometimes, they make you feel as though, as you say you are there because of mercy, when they should be grateful for you, I was n’t able to study. I was attacked at night by things in my room, invisible things my cats used to fight and spit at. My bed covers were pulled off, things marched around the room , hid in cupboards leaned on me and laid on me so i was weighted down and could not move and breathed all over my face. I used to become paralyzed and hear the chambers of my heart wich frightened me. I was poisened with paracetamol and speed (dexadrin). by my mother, and subject to constant physical violence and threatening behaviour and psychological torture. I used to be trapped in nightmares where relatives would die and fall on top of me and my nights were like this and violence and abuse by day, until one day after being made to walk through crowds of my parents friends with no clothes on, I took a huge over dose of mogadon and i woke up and felt distressed. All I did was sleep for 4 days and nobody even checked on me, that i know. I also could not see the black board and i did not get glasses until i was nearly 10 years old but i needed them when i was five, so i could not read til late. I was also hypnotized and my mother used to torture me with my dead sisters hair, though i managed to play the violin for a while and i got Gold medals for that, and was supposed to go to the Royal Academy of Music when i was 11 years old, but my parents spent my award money. all I can say to you, was you may have been in agony but you got to achieve something. I hope now you can take pride in that because the devil will have taken away that joy you should have had back then. But now you realize how clever you really are. it’s horrible that you felt so oppressed and could not confide in anyone, neither could I so I understand what it is to see the world going by and you cannot open your mouth from fear. My father had a gun and he used to polish it in the kitchen with the door open, so i could see and i think this was a warning to me also.
God knows the things people do, The thing is that we now have insight, we know the things that can be in the heart of people suffering and we understand and can reach out and pray for people who may look ‘alright’ although i never looked alright because my clothes were second hand, nearly always, and very little clothes also so i was bullied about that severely, but we understand that maybe they are not ‘alright’ and we can ask God to befriend and find people like this, people that may be in the same situation the way we were. We can take our experiences and know that when people tell us these things they are not exaggerating and we can pray for wisdom how to help so Jesus turns these things around. Forward and Upwards, Rahab, as the Good book says!
God bless Helenx
Dear Helen,
thanks for your testimony, for sharing your struggles with other readers in the effort of helping them. I would love to hear how you are doing and all that you overcame since the time of your abuse. If you would like to inbox me, please use raabeevoce@yahoo.com.br and I will be more than happy to respond to it. God bless you! Raabe
E por isso que acredito que cada task que temos no V Woman ainda que nao seja facil ta ai para nos ajudar a vencer nossas dificuldades ou traumas ou complexos ou medos ,podem tar tao enrraizados que nao damos contas delas.O testemunho dessa pessoa e uma prova disso quantas pessoas podem neste monmento tar a viver de aparencia e nao sabem como vencer.
Dear Mrs Cris
Thank you for sharing with us,I used to look myself like that as an ugly and a woman who was not capable to do anything,What I saw in the mirror played a major role in my life ,up until I decided to love myself from within that is when I decided to appreciante who I was .
Lindiwe
Park Station