Men that let their wives win the fight just to have peace
July 3, 2012 | By: Cristiane Cardoso | Posted in: Family, Marriage
When I was a child, my sister would many times throw herself on the floor and scream untill she got what she wanted. It was an absurd and irritating scene, most often in public so that everyone would pity her and misjudge my mother. As much as we may not like to admit it, we must confess that many times us women do the same thing in our marriage, even though we don’t throw ourselves on the floor or yell in public. Let’s be honest- women know how to be annoying.
Whenever we want something and our husband doesn’t want to give it to us, we find a way to get it, even if that means we have to nag him all week. You and I know that in the end, when he gets tired of denying us what we are asking, he will end up saying “yes”- even if only to restore the peace at home.
It embarrases me to say this about us women: How can we be so sweet and at other times so irritating? The very moment someone denies us something that we want, we transform from a sweet and kind woman to a manipulative and bothersome one. And what’s even worse is that we begin to generalize. “You never do anything to please me” or “You never let me do anything” or the below the belt comment: “So and so’s husband would definitely do that for her.” Who amongst us has not do this at one time or another? You, me, all of us.
That’s how a man begins to resent his wife. He goes on to involve himself less and less in household decisions because he feels that his opinion, in reality, doesn’t count. You might think that he is being good to you but if he were honest, he would tell you that he feels ignored, not respected, manipulated and used. Slowly but surely this type of behavior as a wife will end up destroying your marriage.
Ask but don’t be annoying. If he says no, give him time si that he feels a desire to give you what you asked. Any husband that loves his wife also likes pleasing her. You want him to feel pleasure in giving you what you ask, not pain.
PS. Do you suspect that your husband is giving you things just to maintain the peace? Do you insist two, three, or more tiems because you know that in the end he will give you what you ask? Share you experience with me in the comment section below.
Cristiane Cardoso
Author of the books "Better than a new pair of shoes", "V woman" and "Casamento Blindado" (Bulletproof Marriage). Founder of "Godllywood" and "Rahab Project". Presenter of "The Love School" at Rede Record.
I have learned something valuable here Mrs Cris. I also don’t want to be a bothersome wife. That could lead to the husband shutting the wife out or even resenting her.
Hi Mrs Cristiane
Thanks for your message it’s very true, because some of us as a woman we can be very manipulative to our husband and to people around us, in my own case some time before I do compare him with other people, which is not very good. As for my husband even if I talk till tomorrow that doesn’t move him, I am not the type that like to disturb only if is necessary, I can ask once or twice then I for get about it. I pray that God will give us the wisdom to know how to communicate with them amen.
Men that let their wives win the fight just to have peace
I must admit it,its true.Sometimes when i ask something from my husband i insist but i never knew that i got it because my husband want to maintain peace.I thoght i got it because he loves me.From now on i will give him time to think about it so he may feel pleasure when giving me not being forced.
I would like to thank God because one thing that i will never do or hate is to compare my husband with someone else husband because i love him.
This is alarming, I have been married now 12yrs, And if I be trully sincere I can say I have definately seen this in my behaviour over the years probably now is the very least because we have had lots of guidance in different ways and experiences as forced me to look deep in my character, and where I really need to change in my marriage, I can think of so many times when have bullied what I what out of my darling husband, Its look this, I have I something I want or want to do, I make that decision inside my head, and I am already acting towards it, even without consulting him, so then when I do ask to do this thing or another I have not waited for his decision yes or no, I just see I am already in process although I am asking him still, this was total disrespect to him, and I did this several times over the yours, as if I was a single woman, so then he would just says yes, because I have already gone ahead.
When I recognise this I felt so ashamed and disgusted with myself,
This man who treats me so well gives me all my needs and I was taking total liberty with , taking advantage of his kind character .I never argue about it Yes just for a peaceful life, But I changed I had to because I was sufficating his Authority. Oh my God a fear came over my when I recognise I had been slowly pushing him away. Praise God I recognise in time before I destroy my marriage.
Now I am learning everyday and investing I never do anything now without is go ahead, and if he say No, I leave and pray to God for help.and he offers comes by himself and say I was thinking its quite a good idea, go ahead Sam.
I love the new me now because it as changed my marriage so much.
LOve Sam Dixon xx
Thank you Mrs Cris for allowing us to see our mistake and change.
I have learn to let go of my will at times and not always get things my way and also dont use “i told you so” when his way dont work out.
Dear Mrs Cris,
I am single but I understand how women can really be manipulative sometimes to the people around them by using emotions. A woman can annoy her parents, siblings, friends, work mate, or boyfriend, nag at them, or give them silent treatment for a long period of time just to get their attention. Since I’ve noticed that a woman can have a play on emotions and use it against people, I stopped doing it myself. I prefer to be reasonable in dealing with people. When a woman friend does it to me, I get annoyed so I know the feeling that a woman’s bad and manipulative attitude gives to anyone. I try not to do it myself. When I want to ask anything from somebody, I communicate it. I don’t leave people guessing what I want by just acting up. Thank you maam for the message.
Hi Mrs Cris,
I’m not yet married, but I will surely take this advice to make sure I don’t do when I do marry!
Thank you for the advice!
Thank you Mrs Cris,
I pray that i must not turn from sweet to irritating wife, i pray that i must not transform from a sweet and kind women to a manipulative and bothersome women just to get want i want, i pray that i must not became the worse wife that generalise or compare my husband to anyone at all:
Thank you for this message Mrs Cris!
Carol
Dear Mrs Cris,
I feel so embarrassed now because when my husband would give me anything for peace’s sake, it would even annoy me more.
I would then find another reason not to want what I asked after all because it was not his initiative to start with.
What’s a man to do?
It is so true what you say, Mrs Cris.
Talking about being so sweet and suddenly bothersome, irritating and manipulative.
We women don’t see it most of the time until we are confronted with our behaviour. Thank you for this blog.
Natachia
Hello Mrs. Cristiane
This is very true! I personally am not married yet but even with my parents I would ask and ask until I got what I wanted. Recently I asked for a computer since I really wanted one yet that time I decided to ask only once, of course I received a no but instead of nagging I decided to just wait patiently and collect funds so I can buy myself the computer, what was funny is that in my birthday she bought me the computer I wanted. I think this is a very important message for all of us since we can all learn from it:)
Dear Mrs Cristiane,
You are right when you say that this is a relationship destroyer because in the past I destroyed my relationships behaving like this, and got a few beatings in the process! (This was years before I came to the church!)
Sometimes I even behave like this with my son but he tells me not to do that kind of thing when I get married because “men just don’t like it”
Dear Mrs Cris,
Sincerely, I do it sometimes even though I dodnt throw myself on the flow and sream. Sometimes when I dont get my way I sulk, as mch as it is annoying, after a while I feel ashamed then I become myself.
But I avoid this attitude though sometimes it creeps in., especially when I feel (feel) not think that my husband is neglecting me.
But Mrs Cris I have learned that the cure for this is to check how I am doing with God. I mean, when Im in faith and feeding my spirit well, its hard to get easly irritated and judge others.
Dear Mrs Chris
Thanks for this informative message, and will certainly make sure that I lean from it and never allow my marriage to reach that unhealthy point.
Hugs and Kisses
Nkulie Majola
Good morning Christiane,
This is extremely funny, and what is so funny is the truthfulness of it!
I think I wont do nagging, it’s best to do something else! LOL! no , the thing is that if your husband doesn’t want something and you nag like a machine gun, he will only become resentful and i don’t think it’s good for the love life, you could give him a head ache!,
best to suggest something and then let him think how clever he is to think of it!!!!LOL
very funny with the little girl tantrums, i remember my daughter doing this and I layed down on the floor in the supermarket, on my tummy and kicked and screamed and copied her so she could see what she looked like. she stood there absolutely amazed and was as good as gold for hours!, that was in a shop in lewisham when she was about 4 or 5 years old and i fell about laughing when about 3 years ago I saw this on tv on an advert. I wonder what goes through their heads when this happens?
I wouldnt do that now though.
Have a fabulous day, thanks for sharing this one!
HelenX
Graças a Deus com relação a insistir em algo que quero e meu marido não quer, hoje em dia isso não acontece mais, mas foi bastante doloroso acabar com isso pois era dessa forma que conseguia atingi-lo, mas aprendi depois de muitas cabeçadas que posso conseguir sem atormenta-lo com minhas pirraças infantis e desnecessárias. Hoje ele mesmo me oferece as coisa sem eu pedir e muitas vezes as recuso pois sei que ele faz para agradar mas contra sua própria vontade, mas como já identifico pelo seu jeito de falar que ele mesmo esta descontente não aceito e assim tenho ganhado muito mais do que alguns momentinhos de satisfação, ganhei um casamento mais prazeroso e amigável.