If you are not in Sisterhood does that make you less of a woman of God? Does that make you a woman who does not value the things of God? Does that mean you cannot be a V-Woman? I am asking this because I am tired of seeing some women in these groups make us (who don’t belong) feel like we are not. Don’t get me wrong, I am not criticizing these groups, I know how effective they’ve been for those who belong.
I just don’t understand why we can’t have a group open for all women, whoever want to belong, with no separation. All the women programs in my church are promoted by these groups so those of us who don’t belong to these groups, feel left out! It’s as if there’s division in the church, where some women think they’re better than others.
Another thing why is weight any issue? If you are a big woman, all you hear from the pastor or pastor’s wife is that you need to lose some weight so you can be blessed in your love life. Many times I cried in my room praying to God to look thin as the pastor’s wife so that a MAN OF GOD CAN see me. But the Comforter said to me that it’s not my appearance that matters, but my heart like His and my character. So that is what I take care of. I feel good being a UK size 14.
Cristiane please help women like me not feel worthless because we are not in a group. I mean we are not known like others by name but God knows us!
I can’t really do anything about what other people say or do to you so I’m going to focus on what you can do about all these feelings you’ve struggling with inside.
Firstly, I’d like you to understand that the Sisterhood was created with women like you in mind. Women who despite being in church and serving God, have been having issues they don’t know how to handle regardless of how much faith they have. I’m a woman who have been there. I was already a pastor’s wife and I struggled so much with a variety of issues. I had faith to do so much but when I had to use it for myself, for the thoughts I used to have about myself, I’d fail every time. And so I wasted a lot of precious time, learning through mistakes after mistakes. When God inspired me to form these groups, was to help women and young women avoid mistakes I made and mistakes I know women usually make. It’s basically the practice of the following verse in the Bible:
“The older women likewise, that they be reverent in behavior, not slanderers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things—that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the Word of God may not be blasphemed.” Titus 2:3 – 5
This is what we do in these groups. It doesn’t mean you need to belong so you can be a wise woman – I didn’t have this when I was growing in my faith, so for sure, nobody needs the Sisterhood to be strong in their faith either. Nevertheless, when you’re involved in a group that promotes the one thing you’re fighting for, it makes your fight much more effective because of that spirit of unity, like you’re not alone in that fight – that’s why the group exists.
So if you feel like an outcast because you don’t belong, fight those thoughts for they surely don’t come from above, but from your enemy who wants you to lose track of your spiritual goals. These women don’t look at you that way, in fact, they’ve been helped so much, they wished you belonged to. It’s not about promoting separation in the church but promoting women who have the same goals. Not all women are willing to sacrifice the same way, and so we should respect that. I’m sure you can understand how making the group open for anyone regardless if they want to grow or not is also unfair to those who want to grow.
In this same book of Paul to Titus (1:15), he says:
“To the pure all things are pure, but to those who are defiled and unbelieving nothing is pure; but even their mind and conscience are defiled.”
When we’re pure of heart, we see things that way. This is to have a heart like God’s. If the Sisterhood is an inspiration from God, accept it so, look at it that way. I’m sure that if you change the way you look at it, you’ll also stop feeling like an outcast.
And if your pastor tells you it would be better for you to lose weight so you can feel better and look better for your future husband, I don’t think you should take that against him. I think you should respect his care for you. If he didn’t care about you, he wouldn’t say anything. Your weight may or may not be a problem for your future husband, but it’s definitely a problem for your health. Find out what’s your ideal weight with that in mind and work towards getting there – remembering that your body is the Temple of the Holy Spirit and therefore, you should take care of it like so.
Author of the books "Better than a new pair of shoes", "V woman" and "Casamento Blindado" (Bulletproof Marriage). Founder of "Godllywood" and "Rahab Project". Presenter of "The Love School" at Rede Record.