Sisterhood outcast
May 15, 2012 | By: Cristiane Cardoso | Posted in: Sisterhood, Spiritual Growth, Strength
If you are not in Sisterhood does that make you less of a woman of God? Does that make you a woman who does not value the things of God? Does that mean you cannot be a V-Woman? I am asking this because I am tired of seeing some women in these groups make us (who don’t belong) feel like we are not. Don’t get me wrong, I am not criticizing these groups, I know how effective they’ve been for those who belong.
I just don’t understand why we can’t have a group open for all women, whoever want to belong, with no separation. All the women programs in my church are promoted by these groups so those of us who don’t belong to these groups, feel left out! It’s as if there’s division in the church, where some women think they’re better than others.
Another thing why is weight any issue? If you are a big woman, all you hear from the pastor or pastor’s wife is that you need to lose some weight so you can be blessed in your love life. Many times I cried in my room praying to God to look thin as the pastor’s wife so that a MAN OF GOD CAN see me. But the Comforter said to me that it’s not my appearance that matters, but my heart like His and my character. So that is what I take care of. I feel good being a UK size 14.
Cristiane please help women like me not feel worthless because we are not in a group. I mean we are not known like others by name but God knows us!
Dear friend,
I can’t really do anything about what other people say or do to you so I’m going to focus on what you can do about all these feelings you’ve struggling with inside.
Firstly, I’d like you to understand that the Sisterhood was created with women like you in mind. Women who despite being in church and serving God, have been having issues they don’t know how to handle regardless of how much faith they have. I’m a woman who have been there. I was already a pastor’s wife and I struggled so much with a variety of issues. I had faith to do so much but when I had to use it for myself, for the thoughts I used to have about myself, I’d fail every time. And so I wasted a lot of precious time, learning through mistakes after mistakes. When God inspired me to form these groups, was to help women and young women avoid mistakes I made and mistakes I know women usually make. It’s basically the practice of the following verse in the Bible:
“The older women likewise, that they be reverent in behavior, not slanderers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things—that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the Word of God may not be blasphemed.” Titus 2:3 – 5
This is what we do in these groups. It doesn’t mean you need to belong so you can be a wise woman – I didn’t have this when I was growing in my faith, so for sure, nobody needs the Sisterhood to be strong in their faith either. Nevertheless, when you’re involved in a group that promotes the one thing you’re fighting for, it makes your fight much more effective because of that spirit of unity, like you’re not alone in that fight – that’s why the group exists.
So if you feel like an outcast because you don’t belong, fight those thoughts for they surely don’t come from above, but from your enemy who wants you to lose track of your spiritual goals. These women don’t look at you that way, in fact, they’ve been helped so much, they wished you belonged to. It’s not about promoting separation in the church but promoting women who have the same goals. Not all women are willing to sacrifice the same way, and so we should respect that. I’m sure you can understand how making the group open for anyone regardless if they want to grow or not is also unfair to those who want to grow.
In this same book of Paul to Titus (1:15), he says:
“To the pure all things are pure, but to those who are defiled and unbelieving nothing is pure; but even their mind and conscience are defiled.”
When we’re pure of heart, we see things that way. This is to have a heart like God’s. If the Sisterhood is an inspiration from God, accept it so, look at it that way. I’m sure that if you change the way you look at it, you’ll also stop feeling like an outcast.
And if your pastor tells you it would be better for you to lose weight so you can feel better and look better for your future husband, I don’t think you should take that against him. I think you should respect his care for you. If he didn’t care about you, he wouldn’t say anything. Your weight may or may not be a problem for your future husband, but it’s definitely a problem for your health. Find out what’s your ideal weight with that in mind and work towards getting there – remembering that your body is the Temple of the Holy Spirit and therefore, you should take care of it like so.
Cristiane Cardoso
Author of the books "Better than a new pair of shoes", "V woman" and "Casamento Blindado" (Bulletproof Marriage). Founder of "Godllywood" and "Rahab Project". Presenter of "The Love School" at Rede Record.
Thank you Mrs Chris its an eye opening.
I agree Mrs. Cristiane it’s not about the physical weight, but I think she is heavier spiritually too. Let go of all that weight and burden, and i used to think the same way, I want to gain weight and not take care of myself because my husband will love me no matter what. But once I saw a tv program, and Mo’Nique was talking about her weight and how proud she was of it. But then her husband asked her “how much do u weight?” After she responded, “you have a problem with that?” He said, “no, honey, I just want to have you forever, not just for a while.”
that’s when she began to lose weight. It doesn’t only affect her, it could affect her husband, and kids, if she doesn’t take care of herself.
So it’s really about your health, and like Mrs. Cristiane said about taking care of the Holy Temple. ^_^ Which thanks to the blogs and testimonies I have been living a better life from practicing something so simple as dressing up and take care of what I eat.
I’m not a part of the sisterhood, I respect it and admire it. And I make sure to not follow any of their mistakes, because they are human after all. No one is perfect, but I know I do my best to please my God, no matter what position I hold or where I am. ^_^ If you’re of God then you are never “left out” of anything
One of the biggest problems that women suffers from is insecurities and, when the devil sees that he tries to plant seeds inside of us to make us feel worthless. But, on a deeper perspective, not getting into sisterhood the first time does not mean youre not good enough, God thought you was not ready, yet, therefore use the rejection as a way of boostiing yourself to do more and to be ready for next time. plus, God would have never put us were we are right now if He never saw the best in us!
Good morning Christine,
Just a thought Petal,
How can we say we are strong women of God if we are kicked around by an ice cream? it’s not Kosher is darling?
I mean I am ill and i am trying, but if you are not trying to solve the situation , And sometimes i have been weak and pathetic myself, well when your weak and pathetic your not being strong are you so just cut it out, the sugar that is!!!
Forwards and upwards ladies, and gents!!!
Big love HelenX
First I want to thank the girl from this post for coming forward to give her concern to shine light for a lot of other woman who struggle with this. Thank you. Now I would like to get into RE:If you are not in Sisterhood does that make you less of a woman of God? Does that make you a woman who does not value the things of God? My suggestion is nothing makes you less of a woman of God. Nothing outside of your holy temple. Only you have the ability to make yourself less. Now does that make you a woman who does not value the things of God? To value things of God. Is to appreciate things of God. Many things are examples of appreciation. To name one is Sisterhood. Many woman including myself, who is not a member of sisterhood yet!!appreciates Sisterhood because it is a form of God. These groups encourage, promote self awareness, unity, shares real life walks with God, and above all gives love. Please reconsider your outlook on these groups and give yourself the opportunity to grow.
Very true, I remember thinking about last year that Sisterhood was all girly, stuck-up, and a clique for other girls. Sometimes I would see how some of them would look oh just so beatiful and so wonderful, I would feel this jelousy this envy and actoumatically get self-esteem. I would feel like I didnt belong like I couldnt belong.
Now is a whole new story. In this year my convertion was starting and as it did also serving, and the desire to tried for Sisterhood. I did my Rush month I almost made it but something happend with technical difficulties. But it helped me ALOT in many ways as a young person-14- and my relationship with God, as in to servr Him also. Im glad i did t. Even though I didnt get in I continue my task’s: dressing on wendsday’s, slack’s,etc. Of course honestly cooking? one thing I don’t do much still a’m ad at it, and no time. But I continue developing my cooking and i’mm getting there
As of weight also as I saw is one of mine also. No I am not fat, and not skinny. I’m what you would call average. At first I would get sad and self-esteem, and stuff then like I said in Sisterhood I got better. But that’s not my point is that a Pastor’s Wife and Pastor came to me an told me about my weight. The Pastoe’s Wife has known me for about a year and a half. So she didnt mean in a mean way, but as she told me ,” When I met you , you were a good size a good body now your not fat but you are gaining weight, but I don’t want you to gain much if not how are you going to be when your 21 years old? Take careof your body.” Yes sometime’s is hard to take or do, but is for our own good, as for ou testimony of serving a living God. Right now I’m working on my weight and another task from the Pastor’s Wife. So, Im happy for your advices, the word and the Pastor’s Wife have helped me grow
Thank You Ms.Chris,
Your’s Sincerly
Gaby Saucedo
Amen. This is so true. Is strange because I have been meditating on this verse in the book of Titus chapter 1 verse 15. Indeed these toughts are not from God. And Sisterhood was created for a great purpose but in other for people to understand that they must have a pure heart.
Thanks for sharing
Hi Mrs. Cristiane thank you for posting this, this is to make us aware of how some women think within the church who tried out before for The Sisterhood and didnt get in or they see others going to join and dont want to take up this challenge.
Thank you for sharing Mrs Cris, for me what has always stuck out for me about being a part of the sisterhood even before I joined was when you would write in your messages that sisterhoos is an exclusive group and will always be exclusive. From these words I understood that it is for those who are willing to clean themselves and be clay pots to be used for noble purposes. It is this that made me want to join the group because it meant that I was taking a step to be different in that above my other responsibilities of being a servant, daughter etc I would now have additional tasks that I would have to do inorder to be more effective and thus would in the process opening myself up to be guided to be the best that I can be even if that guidance was not the nicest of things to receive.
Good morning Christiane,
I have not read all of the above, but have to answer still on this one.
Look, I am enormous, I hate it, I lost 13 and half stones, then medical mess ups caused this weight gain, and now I have to wait for treatment before I can fight it all off again because I feel so ill.
Let’s just lose the weight. it is not even a matter of being blessed in the love life, it is a matter of 100 different issues.some of us will never be very slim, some of us will weigh heavy and not look it, but juicy you know. but let’s face it it’s not nice. it reaches a point where it’s horrible. not cuddly, just cardiac!
If you lose a lot of weight and you have 2 bottoms and not one, there will be a man in the church who will love that, but the point is, you could die in child birth, you could have a stroke, you nickers should not be the size of pillow cases and you should be as decent as you could get because if you are really big, from eating the wrong food, you will be ill, and it is the spirit of gluttony. I got big from a brian tumour, fought big again and now I have to stop comfort eating. it’s spiritual weakness, cut the poop and stop being sorry for yourself, if I was not sick I would be running around the block, praying, fighting exercising all the hours God could send me, easier said than done, but I have done it and it’s on record. Any one who can, should lose the poundage, why should your husband have to stretch his arms to full capacity to get them around the bulges? It looks like you do not care about yourself or anyone else. What is more, if you need an operation, you are likely to have difficulties.
Be honest, why not lose the weight, it’s not hard you don’t have to starve, work your body building up from half hour exercise a day to 2 hours or more and just cut down on bread, rice and increase fruit and vegetables, three meals and fruit before you sleep. and WORK.
if you don’t care, I do, my name is Helen from Finsbury park, you wait until I don’t feel ill, i have even started to prepare for my treatment by changing my diet as from this Jacobs well sacrifice. Thank God for your energy and your health, stop feeling sorry for yourself, take all your clothing off and think, am I going to settle for that, or face the challenge? Elegance or renal failure, or a walking stick after a stroke, sexy aye?
Come on woman! shift it! when I testify, you better get inspired and busy and if I were you I would not wait until then, when you can start tomorrow because you are healthy, that is treating your life with contempt.
“you are awsomely and wonderfully made” best not to throw it all away!
God bless, had to let it out Christiane, hopefully this lady will start and start soon because she will feel so much happier and healthier when she does!
God bless petal, Big love HelenX
Dear Christian
Thank you so much once again for making some of us really understand and know what sisterhood means and who it is meant for.
I fully understand where this lady is coming from because at some point I also felt the same way….like an outcast. The people I know who are part of this group would always act as if they are better than us and they are more of women of God than those who don’t belong to the group….Or at least I thought.
However I was feeling like an outcast because in my church we don’t have sisterhood or any of these groups because there is no Pr’s wife to do such things and it’s a small church, so I never had the opportunity to join and really know what the group is about and how it works. I thank God because as soon as I found out that sisterhood has a page on Facebook and this website exists, and there’s Mrs Christian’s page on universal news…ect, I quickly joined sisterhood on Facebook and would make sure I read the pages on weekly uni news paper and subscribed to this blog…..and now there’s the Godllywood challenge which is helping ladies like me to be part of the group and grow in so many ways. So now I don’t feel like an outcast anymore but feel blessed even though I’m not officially part of the group.
It so easy to feel like an outcast when you don’t understand these groups in the church and when you allow the devil, through people ,to contaminate your heart you’ll never look at these groups as an inspiration from God….but as something creating a division in the church.
Once again thank you Mrs Christian for giving us an opportunity to join and be part of sisterhood through the Godlywood challenges.
God bless you.
I am a Sisterhood pledge and it saddens me to know that they are women who feel that way. A part of me understands where they are coming from because when you lack thorough understanding of something, we begin to feel inferior towards it and make up all kinds of assumptions. I used to feel inferior before the Pastor’s Wives and Assistants, thinking that I could only become a woman of God if I were like them. But through the Sisterhood I learned differently.
I look back and I see all these insecurities I had was from the devil. He used them so I would separate myself from those who were “higher” then me and therefore my eyes and whole body became dark, thus not much spiritual growth.
I do agree that the group is not for everyone, just as doing the work of God on the Altar is not for everyone, neither is being an assistant, a laywer , a doctor and so forth. But that does not mean you cannot grow, be a true servant and woman of God and make a difference in this world. We can not look to the positions, titles, groups etc and think they make us something. It is ourselves who make us who we want to be by the actions and sacrifices we make daily. The titles, positions etc are a compliment, like the icing on the cake.
Ta legal I agree with this comment.
Hi Mrs. Cris, lately I have been thinking about perception.
I have realized that the way we perceive things is how we react to them.
When we have a certain perception about something and have made up our minds about it, especially if it is a bad conclusion – no matter how good it may be for us, we do not want to associate ourselves with it.
John10:10 “the thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy…”
When we see things in a negative way the devil gains leverage and rob us from the opportunities we may have in becoming better servants of God – he kills any hope we may have of being confident strong women of God. Now, instead of focusing on what good one can get out something – one sits and wallow in self-pity thinking that the world owes us something-change is a decision.
I have been a part of Godllywood since April 2010 and it has been a blessing. I have mentors who corrects my thinking – where applicable, encourages my strengths and help me in building my weaknesses into strengths.
For me Titus 2:3 – 5 has become a living word.
Amen! This is very powerfull and I agree with you Mrs. Cris, sometimes the way we look at things is completely different from what God wants us to see. Thanks God for transforming my life through this group and its a pitty that sometimes people see the opposite of the group but its really helping us in all areas of our lives. This opened my eyes as well not to look at others with bad eyes or see things that doesnt exist but to always keep my mind and heart pure, to see the way God sees.
Be blessed more!!
Thank you Mrs. Cris for sharing this post.
It is such a great eye opener even to us who are in the Sisterhood.
To be careful of the behaviour and the message we pass towards the other young women who are not yet part of the group.
It might not be the things we say but the way we carry ourselves around them.
Thank you kindly!
Re: Sisterhood outcast
Interesting how I was going to start working on myself after reading the V-Woman book earlier in the year. I was then invited to participate in the rush month and though I didn’t get into the group, I celebrated and rewarded myself because I did my tasks as best as I could with prayers and help from others.
I know for a fact that the tasks helped me become a V-Woman in my own rights and no one can take this away from me.
It’s not just about the tasks which is judged by site but about your soul which is precious to God.