Beauty

My archenemy – Defeated

Two years ago, I faced a new challenge, which was to get rid of the rest of my insecurities. I also found other areas that I had trouble with, but didn’t know about, like public speaking for example.

That’s when I was introduced to the Sisterhood. One of the things I had to work on was public speaking and I had never done that before in church, except with the children in Kids Zone. It was extremely hard to hold the microphone for first time, it seemed like something from another planet, I broke into a sweat because I was so embarrassed.

I wore a beautiful dress, my makeup and hair was done very pretty, but I was the focus of everyone’s attention because I was standing there in the front, microphone in hand, speaking in Spanish and everyone was staring right at me. My face turned beet red, but I wasn’t going to be intimidated, I did what I had to do and God was with me the whole time. That was another insecurity that I overcame and today, speaking in public no longer frightens me.

I began doing the tasks that helped in the areas where I had the biggest difficulties and I learned how to overcome them. I discovered my worth, how special I am. I have been a part of the group for a year and a half and I have finally overcome the last step that I needed, which is to be myself without being scared of making mistakes.

I must confess that I was unsuccessful on several other attempts, like I mentioned before. This time, I was certain that I’d changed, but I hadn’t been in a situation where, in the past, I would have been intimidated.

I asked God to give me another opportunity so I could show Him that I changed and prove to myself that this was not just my imagination. And that is what happened, God prepared the perfect opportunity. He even allowed for the element of surprise, which if it would have happened during another time in my life, I would have turned back and been intimidated.

But to my joy, that did not happen and I was able to be myself, Magali da Silva, in front of everyone. I spoke what was on my mind, laughed, expressed my ideas, ate, hugged, said ‘I love you’ without being intimidated, without shame or fear of making mistakes and much less of being reprimanded.

It was such a rewarding experience, I felt so good and happy to be able to overcome something that made me feel so bad and prevented me from doing more for my Lord. Now I know who I am and I’m not ashamed of it. Of course I still have many things I need to work on and continue moving forward, but I have put a stop to the shyness, she no longer has control over me.

What has made this experience so effective and wonderful is that, in a short period of time, I was able to do what previously would have taken me years to do. Before, I would speak, but inside I always considered myself inferior, mediocre and insecure. This time I changed from the inside out. First, my way of thinking changed, I understand and embraced my worth, how special I am to God and that He wants to use me. I got rid of my insecurities, my eyes were opened and I was able to see the world in a new light, where now I know that I can succeed. After all this happened on the inside, my attitude and my outer changes were a reflection of what happened on the inside. The best part of doing the Sisterhood tasks and going through this process was being able to see the changes. It was like a boot camp, a series of teachings given in a practical form to help me and give me the support to take on such big changes in a short period of time.

General analysis

What I learned from all this was that throughout my childhood and teenage years I managed to dodge the shyness. I always looked the other way. I wouldn’t stop to feed the ideas running through my mind. I diverted my thoughts and the shyness withered away and disappeared.

The moment that I stopped and looked at my situation, I began feeling small and sorry for myself. I didn’t know how to use my faith as a defense, I let thoughts of inferiority and what others said about me take over my life and at that moment, there was no turning back. I accepted them and did not occupy myself with other things that would have done me well. I didn’t do anything about it and these thoughts bombarded me, taking over my mind and I lost all control because they began controlling me.

It all started with a bad seed planted in 1995, which blossomed and grew slowly without me noticing it. Eventually, it took over and I was almost choked by its bad roots. But I uprooted it this year, in December 2011. Now, I know that I am free from it once and for all.

It’s useless to want something, you have to work in order to achieve what you want, you can’t feel sorry for yourself, much less prevent yourself from feeling exposed. We have to leave our comfort zone and confront our emotions without fear of suffering. Only then can you achieve a positive and definite outcome in a short period of time.

And isn’t that what we all want?

In faith,
Magali da Silva

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